What next?
What next? My life after full-time employment.
I resigned from my full-time job and didn’t have a plan. There has been one question asked by friends, family, ex-colleagues and even myself that has haunted me since, “what next?”.
Two months have passed and I still don’t have an answer.
I’m lucky enough to be in a position that alleviates me from any major financial obligations. Even a mortgage and rising interest rates haven’t been able to stop me (yet) in my pursuit of what’s next, whatever it may be.
I have a supportive partner, Dion, who encourages me to find my passion and purpose, parents who welcome us with open arms and generously offer use of the family home as a landing pad should we ever need (to which I have taken advantage of on multiple occasions throughout my adult life) and beautiful tenants who are now renting our first home from us.
This space from responsibility definitely comes at a cost. Dion and I miss our pink little home and the freedoms that came with it. I miss the structure of full-time work and the sense of purpose it gave me. The regular paycheck was also nice, I miss that too sometimes (mostly always).
Despite all of the sacrifices we have both made to make this transition work, I am so blessed to have this time to explore my passions, which is both exciting and terrifying.
The ‘R’ word.
My previous role was in a fast-paced environment and I was constantly ‘on’. After leaving that job, I found myself in a comedown of sorts. I had to train my mind to stop and to give myself permission to do something I once thought was weak and feeble - that thing was rest. The ‘r’ word didn’t come naturally for me; I could blame my immigrant father for setting an inhumanly high standard of work ethic, or perhaps it had more to do with my own nature and many years in competitive sport. Regardless, I felt that I had to rest and reset to be able to move forward.
Some things I learnt about myself when allowing myself to rest:
It’s okay to have an off day. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have cried and completely broken down. Sometimes because of frustration - I often felt/feel as though I have all of these great ideas yet am completely lost with where to focus my energy and resources (which, I am aware, is a total blessing and curse). Other times because of guilt - Dion is an incredibly hardworking, kind man. I sometimes feel ashamed that I’m at home, painting or hanging out, while he’s at work. Acts of service is my love language, and I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am as he supports me so generously on this journey. On the flip side, I want to make sure this is worthwhile and that I build something that will provide for us both.
Any progress is good progress. If I’m not vibing with a painting I’m working on, I like to shake things up. Change up my environment. This could look like a few things; go for a walk along the beach, read my book, start the background of another painting, work on my social media calendar for the week etc. You need to listen to yourself when you’re not feeling productive. Progress doesn’t have to look drastically different from day to day, good things take time and thoughtful consideration. Especially when it comes to creativity.
Make your bed. I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not really resting if my mind is going 100 miles an hour. That I need to let go of guilt, fear and any other head noise that is preventing me from relaxing. I am learning to accept that I cannot control everything in the moment and to just let myself simply ‘be’. Limiting screen time really helped me rest with intention. It’s so easy to fall down a rabbit hole of “research” (aka TikTok). I also find that making my bed in the morning has a snowball effect for my whole day. I am then more inclined to pack my clothes away, clean my space, eat good food, go for that walk, drink my almond matcha, start that commission. That one act of discipline really helps set my intention to look after myself and my space, to help me feel restful.
Figuring it out.
In an effort to satisfy my own apprehension towards the question “what next?”, I will put simply; to live a creative life.
I’m still figuring out exactly what this looks like and am granting myself permission each day to take the time to do so. If you have any advice, you know where to find me.
Until next time, my friend.
Jasmine Forcadilla